I had to share! Miracles happen💫
I was supposed to have oral surgery today. I am so phobic about the dentist so my anxiety was extremely high this morning. And while I was waiting for the dentist I thought about leaving a couple of times.
They were going to cut open my gums and do a procedure to clear an infection. I went out last night and stocked up on soft foods.
A couple of weeks ago in meditation I asked for a miracle. I asked that the issue healed so I wouldn’t have to have surgery. I was given a special technology to work with. The message I received was that the doctor would change his mind about what he would be doing because I wouldn’t need surgery.
The dentist came in and looked at my teeth and said, so we are going to pull that tooth. I have a tooth that is loose that needs to be pulled. I said what about that fistula on the other tooth that you were going to do surgery on? He looked again and looked at my records and said, “you’re right there was a fistula on the other side, but it’s gone now.” I asked if that ever happens and he said it’s rare.
I went to the waiting room with tears in my eyes and told my daughter about asking for a miracle and not needing surgery. She was there as my driver because I wasn’t supposed to drive afterwards.
I drive her crazy with my miracles! She said now you will think you can heal anything. I said yep, the tumor is next!!!
Tears of gratitude!
Accepting what is, is hard for our human nature, especially when we are asked to accept something that is challenging. We want to have some sense that we are in control. That’s human nature.
This is partly because of how the unknown outcome plays out in our mind. We think we know how something will turn out before it does and in challenging situation the story usually isn’t positive. Not many of us go through challenging situations and believe the best will happen unless we have done a lot of deep inner work. I have done a lot of deep personal work and it is still hard for me.
What if letting go of what you fear might happen, opens the door for your best possible outcome to happen? what if things really do always work out for your highest and best? I have had this happen on a number of occasions but I usually have to go through my control gyrations first. You would think positive experience would dictate response but that doesn’t always happen, especially with health challenges.
What if the story you conjure up in your mind is no where near the outcome that is intended and you are blocking a blessing by holding on?
The deeper healing comes when you can say to yourself, here is what I am afraid will happen and I accept that too, no matter how bad you think that will be. You can’t trust the highest outcome if you are busy trying to control.
Today I am practicing acceptance, patience and letting go.
Question, how does letting go and holding a positive intention for the outcome fit together? Or does it not fit together? Is intention setting just another form of control?
Yesterday I lost my mind!
I dropped from my mind into my heart and my heart started to speak about a key issue I have worked on/with for a big part of my life. You know that one that is slippery, yet insidious, that you can’t quite understand? That one that sneaks up on you when you least expect it.
As I wrote in my journal, I watched it unravel, before my eyes, in a way I had never seen before. It because crystal clear so I could see it. I could feel it release from my cells this time and I felt a lightness I had never felt before.
I understood that there is both a collective program/matrix and a personal program/matrix that hold each other in place. It takes deep, deep inner work to extract yourself because these programs reinforce each other so it’s hard to see. I am grateful for my tenacious persistence to do the deep work to free myself. Many people never get free.
I thank my heart for all it has shown me ❤️
I am writing this to remind myself…
There was a point in my health journey where I had not only lost my health but also my savings and my livelihood. It was about 8 months in that my savings was gone, my successful career was gone and all of my credit cards were maxed out from basic living and medical bills. This was probably the most stressful time in my life.
But something kept pulling me forward. The pull was my purpose. My purpose this lifetime has always been to create art that had a positive, transformational impact. Writing, which is part of that purpose came later. I write from the same place as I paint.
This is to say that when I was at my lowest lows, I still could paint and I still could write and those two things pulled me through. I could also see there would be a time when I could fully live my purpose again. That what I was going through had meaning in this purpose and I wasn’t intended to die from it.
And so I painted…and I wrote…32 paintings focused on the heart and several other paintings. I wrote and illustrated a children’s book. I wrote Resilient Heart a book all about heart health and my journey. I wrote Resilient Heart Art, the healing power of art. I built an Etsy site and two new websites for my art and writing. I created a festival for artists and writers to combine my to loves. All while I was sick. Those things pulled me through my illness and kept me focused on my purpose.
I was grateful for each positive step forward no matter how small.
So now getting 4 shows for my art in 3 days tells me my focus paid off. Getting the feed back from curators that they are touched by my art means a lot. It shows me I have built momentum. I am in a place of joy because my physical crisis is finally over and I am in the flow of the vision I held for the past 3 years.
I am sharing this not to brag but to give someone, somewhere hope. No matter what happens hold on to your dream. Let it lift you up and maybe out of where you are right now.
Today I thank myself for not giving up.
I believe there are times where it is important to share our stories authentically as ther unfold. It can be healing for the teller and the listener. You will know when that time is.
And other times when it is time to incubate and hold the new story tenderly. We don’t want outside influences when we are nurturing a new story.
For now, as I write my new story, I hold it in sacred space within my heart, as its midwife💚…while it incubates ❤️
I am at the end of the bridge between the old story and the new story just about to step into the new. The sacred space of new beginnings.