I am writing this to remind myself…
There was a point in my health journey where I had not only lost my health but also my savings and my livelihood. It was about 8 months in that my savings was gone, my successful career was gone and all of my credit cards were maxed out from basic living and medical bills. This was probably the most stressful time in my life.
But something kept pulling me forward. The pull was my purpose. My purpose this lifetime has always been to create art that had a positive, transformational impact. Writing, which is part of that purpose came later. I write from the same place as I paint.
This is to say that when I was at my lowest lows, I still could paint and I still could write and those two things pulled me through. I could also see there would be a time when I could fully live my purpose again. That what I was going through had meaning in this purpose and I wasn’t intended to die from it.
And so I painted…and I wrote…32 paintings focused on the heart and several other paintings. I wrote and illustrated a children’s book. I wrote Resilient Heart a book all about heart health and my journey. I wrote Resilient Heart Art, the healing power of art. I built an Etsy site and two new websites for my art and writing. I created a festival for artists and writers to combine my to loves. All while I was sick. Those things pulled me through my illness and kept me focused on my purpose.
I was grateful for each positive step forward no matter how small.
So now getting 4 shows for my art in 3 days tells me my focus paid off. Getting the feed back from curators that they are touched by my art means a lot. It shows me I have built momentum. I am in a place of joy because my physical crisis is finally over and I am in the flow of the vision I held for the past 3 years.
I am sharing this not to brag but to give someone, somewhere hope. No matter what happens hold on to your dream. Let it lift you up and maybe out of where you are right now.
Today I thank myself for not giving up.
I believe there are times where it is important to share our stories authentically as ther unfold. It can be healing for the teller and the listener. You will know when that time is.
And other times when it is time to incubate and hold the new story tenderly. We don’t want outside influences when we are nurturing a new story.
For now, as I write my new story, I hold it in sacred space within my heart, as its midwife💚…while it incubates ❤️
I am at the end of the bridge between the old story and the new story just about to step into the new. The sacred space of new beginnings.
In my experience, if you do the deep personal work that is revealed to you through serious illness you will discover something amazing within yourself.
You will discover your magnificence, your strength and tenacity and your love and commitment to yourself and your connection to the divine.
Illness is an initiation.
Many of us have important moments of transition in our lives, which we experience in our bodies, that can be understood as initiations into a new way of being. They are gateways in to a more authentic expression of self.
Each of these initiations holds powerful information and the possibility of transforming long held patterns that no longer serve us if you allow the sacred journey to unfold. If we are open and allow it to happen.
It is not for the faint of heart ❤️
I believe this type of initiation is a soul contact. It is not, as the New Age movement would have you believe, something created due to out of balance thinking. Believing that we created something with our thoughts, creates shame and leads us away from true self discovery. It causes us to bypass pain so we don’t have to feel it and cheats us out of self discovery.
I am in awe of myself for allowing my initiation to unfold. I am proud for not giving up on myself and for having the strength to keep going even when it took everything I had to do so. I am grateful that I was willing to dive deep, past any limiting beliefs systems, past fear, past the lost of important friends in my life, past any feelings of brokenness, past disappointment and frustration to discover the gems of my authentic self.
I have nothing but the upmost love and respect for any of my friends who have experienced this kind of initiation, are experiencing it right now or going through it with a partner.