Category Archives: Just thoughts

On the Bridge Between Stories

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On the bridge between stories, where nothing has seemed to change, is a precarious place. What you see and what you want to create are not a match and you can almost taste the shift happening, but nothing is moving. The old story isn’t serving you and you know there is something better.

We have all been there.

That is the place where you must focus on what you want to create and not on what “reality “ is showing you. That is the time when you must believe in magic, imagination, dreaming, mystery and all those things you were told not to believe in when you were a child.

Many people give up at this point because it is hard space to hold. It’s hard to believe in something you can’t see, but you must. This is extremely difficult when “reality “ is pressing down on you.  Stay the course.

And you will, because that better life you dream of for yourself can be the new reality. It might be just around the corner.

Trust and belief that there is something better is what is required, but not easy to achieve. In your heart it is easy to believe, in your mind it is not, so go to your heart and hang out there. Breathe…

Your heart will take you right into that new story. Let it.❤️

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Life is a Grand Adventure

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Life IS an adventure. A string of pearls that come together to create a beautiful necklace. Some of the stories are epic adventures, some just daytime dramas. Some of them are divine comedies, some a a float down the lazy river and some are tragedies. Some are child’s play.

But in the end they are all part of the love story that is you finding you.

I feel myself standing at the beginning of a new story and I am the artist…excited to see what unfolds.

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What are we doing here?

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Have you ever asked the question, “WHY AM I HERE?”

I ask it all of the time.

We weren’t created to spend 50 years, working 40 hours a week, to build someone else’s dream.  That is 104,000 hours!!  Holy crap!  Who planted this seed that we have to spend most of our lives working so we can retire and 65-70, leaving little time to find out what brings you joy?  How did it become the social norm?  Work to retire so we can do the things we love?  Many people drop dead from exhaustion before they even been to do the things they love after they retire.  My dad lived a year.

That is insane!!

The truth is, we are were created to be creative!  To be artists, writers, dancers, musicians, singers, chefs and lovers.  We are hear to create, dream, imagine and have fun and live in joy.  We weren’t created to slave, suffer, feel frustration, experience lack and be miserable!  We are here to co-create with each other and build a better world.  We are here to shift the paradigm that says we need to work 104,000 hours to make money to buy things.  We don’t need “All of the things that money can buy”!

We need each other.  We are here be authentic and shine our light in the world.

We are here to love and be loved.  To be kind, compassionate and peaceful.

If you do what you love and live an authentic life, you will be supported in all ways possible.

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We are each a miracle with something unique to add to the world.  Life is a miracle.  

What brings you passion?  What brings you joy?  If you don’t know, it is time to go out and find it!

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After a Long Challenging Relationship I am calling it Quits!

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IT’S OVER!!!

Yes, you read that right…I am ending the long challenging relationship that started way back when…

I took the damn thing and threw it in the garbage on garbage day so that I couldn’t go back out and retrieve it.  After all, I had a long term addictive relationship and it was hard to end it.  Trust me!

It was time to toss the bathroom scale out of my life!!!

I had a perfect photo of the “throwing the scale in the garbage” ritual, but when I sent them to myself via email, they disappeared so let’s use this as a visual:

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I don’t even remember when I bought my first bathroom scale.  What I do remember was being told I was fat when I was a thin teenager.  I heard it a lot and it was probably what lead to my thinking I needed a scale in the first place…

After being told recently by one of my close friends that I was fat and filled with toxins and candida, I become obsessed with the scale and my weight.  What she thought was a helpful comment, was not helpful at all.  Friends to support each other by telling them they are fat!  Especially women, who are already obsessed with their weight.  First of all I am about 10 pounds over weight.  After hearing her “helpful”comment, I put on 100 pounds in my mind.  I lost a realistic image of myself and turned obese in my mind.  This is what happens to women who have eating disorders.  I don’t have an eating disorder by my image of myself was inaccurate.  I couldn’t look at photos of myself without seeing that extra 100 pounds!!

Every time I got on the scale I would say the number I saw on the scale in my mind.  Guess what happens when you do that?  You maintain that number.  If you say “I am ____pounds and I am fat” guess what happens?  YOU GET FAT!  This is how many women who want to lose weight, end up maintaining what they way and gaining weight.  It’s the Law of Attraction.  What we think about we become.  Thinking about your weight, what the number is and what you should and should not eat is insane!!  This is the birth of an eating disorder.

We are programming ourselves, ladies, and it is not getting us where we want to go.

The helpful bathroom scale HAS become your enemy!

Two days ago I threw the enemy our of my house for good! I didn’t even say “good bye”.  At first I was afraid I would gain 100 pounds over night because I wasn’t keeping check on that number on the scale.   That last two days I compulsively went to the bathroom to weigh myself only to find that I have no scale.

The day I threw my scale in the garbage I came up with a number of what I want to weigh.  Now I say the affirmation “I weigh___pounds no matter what I eat.”  And the beauty is, there is no way for me to prove that I am wrong because my friend the scale is gone!!

I am not a number on a scale.  I am not my 10 extra pounds.  I am not what I look like.  I am not my age.  We are short changing ourselves when we think like that.

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HOW DID WE GET HERE?

I started wondering how women became obsessed with our weight and how we looked.  I don’t remember the obsession when I was a kid.  Twiggy came to my mind so I did some research.  Some of you might not know who Twiggy is so here is a photo.

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“Twiggy’s popularity not only influenced many people to try and imitate her look, but also drastically influenced the rise in power of models in the fashion industry. She was a role model and revolutionary for today’s top models, but her popularity also brought along with it the irrational image of the ideal woman. Twiggy was a major trendsetter in America during the sixties, even though she hailed from England. In the sixties, the thought of a model taking advantage of her success to start a fruitful business was completely revolutionary. ””

Twiggy’s revolutionary impact on body image

The youngest of three girls, she was born Lesley Hornby in north London’s Neasden to a carpenter dad and a factory worker mom who worked a Woolworth’s counter to earn extra money. At 5-feet, 6 inches – short for a model – Twiggy weighed only 91 pounds when she exploded into the culture.

Weighing only ninety pounds and standing at five feet, six and a half inches, Twiggy was an incredibly thin, bony girl, making her perfect for this new trend in modeling. Twiggy’s BMI was astonishingly low at only 14.3. The lowest healthy BMI is 18.5, so her low weight may have been a danger to her health depending on her eating habits (“Healthy Weight”). This is a drastic change from the healthy image of an hourglass shape Marilyn Monroe conveyed during the ‘50s.

The ‘60s was the decade in which runway modeling became very important to high fashion. The models of this decade were much less womanly with their boy-like figures than models of the previous decade who had shapely curves, and these new models’ bodies were bony and hanger-like (“The Rise and Fall”). In addition to the growing importance of runway modeling, the ‘60s was also a period in which American society pushed back against traditional values of the previous decade. The counterculture of the ‘60s was characterized by “long hair, rock music…tye-dye, free sex, drugs, and riots” (“The Counterculture”). Twiggy’s striking and unusual look brought her popularity in this counterculture.   Article

So Marilyn Monroe was the original idea of beauty and that perception has undergone many changes from the original curvaceous figure of figure which was popular on television in the 50’s to Twiggy’s nearly emaciated figure of the 60’s.  Twiggy’s thin figure, popularized as runway modeling became more common, and a more sexualized, yet still thin, body type became even more popular with the increase in Farrah Fawcett’s popularity.   The image went from a healthy curvy body like Marilyn Monroe to a rail thin body like Twiggy’s over night.   The Twiggy body stuck and is still the idea today if you look at fashion magazines and models.

So when Twiggy blasted on to the scene and became so popular I wanted to be just like her!!

The trouble was, she was 5 feet 6 inches tall and weighed 91 pounds and she was the standard for beauty.  I was 5 feet 4 inches and weighed 120 pounds so according to the standard, I was FAT!!!  And if one was fat, they were not considered beautiful!

And that my friends is where my obsession with weight, eating and trying to be beautiful began…

So what I did 2 days ago when I ended my relationship and threw away my scale was an act of bravery!

If you can relate to any of this I would love to add your comments to the dialog below.  Thanks for reading.

Here is another great article Chubby, Skinny, Accepting

The author, Katelyn Mariah is a visionary artist, author, conscious entrepreneur and alchemist.  Learn more at www.embracingeudaimonia.com

Find her books at www,mystickcreekpublishing.com

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Thirty Years Ago I Almost Died

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“Swan Song” 22×30 watercolor and acrylic/with mica March 2002 Katelyn Mariah

It is true, on March 4th, 1985 I woke in ICU from an 8 hour surgery that saved my life and asked my husband for a divorce.  My surgeon told me that 99% of people who get what I had died because it was so difficult to find.  They found mine in the 11th hour and I survived.

My first thoughts as I regained consciousness and realized I was still here were, “If I am still alive I must have a purpose and it is wasn’t to stay trapped in a miserable marriage.”  What I sensed was a purpose seemed big and I felt an urgency to find it.  An urgency that would drive me for many years to come and leave me with a sense that I still hadn’t found what I stayed here to do.

I was so driven to find the reason that I chose to stay that I couldn’t even see the things I had accomplished because I was moving so fast.  I knew I wanted my life to have meaning and I wanted to have an impact on other people.  In my mind it seemed like I had to do something really big to accomplish that.  I think that people who know me would find this whole thing funny because I have a long list of things I have accomplished in the last 30 years, more than most people ever accomplish.  Many of the things on my list are things most people don’t get a chance to do.  I have a friend who routinely says to me “You know how to do That too?  What don’t you do?”  I was too busy searching to really notice.

I think my sense of urgency came from the fact that I almost died and it could happen again before I discovered my purpose.  Urgency can cloud the issue and keep you focused in the future.  That is what it did for me.   It comes with a sense of holding your breath, just waiting for something big to happen.  Waiting to exhale…

I also think there was a part of me that felt that I had to prove that my life was worth saving!  At that point in my life I was in an abusive relationship feeling pretty worthless so I had to do something really big to prove myself.  I don’t feel that way now but I do think my subconscious was seeded with that thought 30 years ago and that has also been a driving force.

Now on the 30th anniversary of this event, I find myself pondering this whole idea of accomplishment.  Does it matter if I accomplish something big?  What if I really haven’t had an impact on people, does that diminish who I am?  What if no one has even noticed what I have been doing the last 30 years, would that mean I was wrong in thinking there was something big I had to do?  What if I don’t find that life partner that I have always thought I would find? Has my time been wasted?

The reality is, just being on this planet during a time of so much turmoil and transformation is a big accomplishment. Making a daily commitment to become more conscious, kinder, more loving, think positively, enjoy this grand adventure called life is a big accomplishment.  The fact that I survived and chose to stay here for another 30 years is a big accomplishment.  I got a second chance and that in itself is pretty big.

The bigger reality is, each of us is important in the grand scheme of things just by our very existence.  We each carry a frequency, vibration and wisdom that no other human being carries.  We are all connected to each other through the web of life and what you do impacts the whole. I have actually seen the web that links us all together, I have seen the fluid that flows between us and we are all part of it.  The phrase “We are all one” is true because we are a part of the whole.  Your kindness to someone else impacts me, my love for someone impacts you.  The same is true with my frustration or your anger.  We are impacting each other every day. We are all breathing the same air which is the breath of God.

We don’t have to accomplish big things to make a difference, that is just a program we have bought into.

It doesn’t matter what people think about us, what people say about us, how people judge us.  None of that matters.

I think what really matters is do you love yourself and are you being the authentic expression of who you are? Are you as full on when you are eating an apple as when you are jumping out of a plane for the first time or standing in a temple in Bali.  Are you full on staring out into space “doing nothing” as you are making $5000 in a day.

Full on, self loving, authentic expression, no matter what you are doing, is the accomplishment!!!

Just Breathe….

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