The Beauty Distortion

I don’t believe there is a woman alive who doesn’t have beauty triggers, not even the most recognized beauties, unless they have done their inner work. Julia Roberts , who I consider a true beauty, admits to having issues around her beauty.  Most women are not going to admit to having issues about the way they look because of “ How it Looks” if you do!

It is a sad commentary and most likely a way to maintain control over women and keep them in their place.

The Katelyn Mariah version of not being good enough was “I am not pretty enough”. Every once in a while it comes back to haunt me like it did other night because it’s a cellular wound. Fortunately, because of all of the inner work I have done I was able to witness it and know what was happening.

When I was describing it to a dear friend, I felt like that awkward teenager, who believed that truth. He was able to hold a safe space for me to feel the feelings and cry the tears that were emerging from that old place in me, that still believed it some how.  To be held by a man in a safe place so I could get in touch with this was so healing. It is really hard to tell a man that you have issues about beauty when the original pain can from males.

Because of that hurt place in me, I had a belief that when men rejected me it was because I wasn’t pretty enough and they were off to find someone who was.  I felt like I was good enough on other levels, but not how I looked. I know that you have probably looked ay my photo and see the absurdity in this thinking but for my it was very real.

Where did this come from?

I grew up the only girl with three brothers who convinced me on a daily basis that I was “fat and ugly” neither of which was true. If you hear it often enough it does become your truth, especially if your parents set no limits on that behavior, which mine did not. Their complicity only reinforced the feeling for me. My brothers convinced all of the boys in the neighborhood to echo that same theme back to me. They would gather near my house and taunt me as I walked by. I would try to find ways to come in a back way to avoid the pain.

This theme of not being beautiful or pretty enough was reinforced by the media in magazines and on television. They created an artificial standard for what women should look like and we women watching didn’t realize that these women were starving themselves and being airbrushed to look a certain way. All we knew was that we didn’t look that way!

I don’t know about other women but I imagine many of us if not all bought into the beauty myth. It was apparent that men were being wooed by those images too. Playboy magazine was popular for a reason. Men could fantasize about the ideal woman and go off and try to find her. And guess what, folks, I did not look like her!

That early programming took away my ability to see my own beauty. I know what I saw in the mirror and in photos was skewed by my inner program and it wasn’t what other people saw. I also know that my inability to see myself clearly was reflected in my aura for others to pick up and reflect back to me. I got a lot of that reflection too.

As I have pealed back the layers on this issue over the years and cleared much of this out I have come to an understanding about beauty in general and my beauty specifically. There is more to true beauty than a certain look. It’s a combination of physical appearance, the light you carry, your frequency, how you hold yourself, your confidence and your personality but more importantly how kind you are, the compassion you feel for others, your joy, happiness, aliveness, vulnerability, authenticity, how you love and your happiness. There are so many layers to beauty that it can’t be put into one category.

I can say that I am a beautiful woman who still gets triggered occasionally and I can embrace that as a part of my beauty.

My wish is that all women can find their own beauty and feel it to the core of their being. We are of the Goddess and expression of her beauty on earth. It is time for all women to honor the beauty that they are.

 

 

this theme of not being beautiful or pretty enough was reinforced by the media, on television and in magazines and an artificial standard of beauty was created that still stands today. And we women watching didn’t realize that these women were starving themselves and being air brushed to look a certain way.

 

Taking Back the True Feminine Power!

The Dalai Lama said “The world will be saved by the western woman.”

Like I said in my post yesterday I feel like the fire at Notre Dame was symbolic of the breaking open, releasing and resurrection of the sacred Feminine.

Woman have to open to the sacred Feminine in them before they can have an impact on women around them.

I am not talking about the Feminine that emerged in the late 60’s and into 70’s where women took on the masculine to try to be heard. We don’t have to become men. We don’t need to be bad ass boss ladies, and six and seven figure income earners and extremely independent and self sufficient in order to be powerful and be heard. Woman doesn’t need to become masculine to get equal rights. We need a balance of both masculine and feminine. The disempowered feminine needs to leave the planet and be replaced by the Empowered Feminine.

Women need to align with the true feminine. The goddess movement was a start but this is more than that. We need to clear the mother wound for starters. Jealousy, back stabbing, competition and stealing each other’s thunder has to stop and woman need to start cheering each other on.

Notre Dame “OurLady” rising from the Ashes.

The disempowered Feminine…I believe that many women I know who are on a spiritual path will relate to this.

She is the disempowered Feminine that has been held back by the patriarchy. She feels alone, she struggles to create abundance for herself, her heart is broken, and all of this wears on her health and well-being.

I felt this to the core of my being in the early morning Today, triggered by the events of the last three weeks, a conversation with a friend yesterday and the inferno burning from the heart of Norte Dame, Our Lady. It felt like a knife going through my heart.

I wrote this in my journal “What was the point of working on conscious awakening for 32 years if this is what I woke up to! What it looks like I woke up to being all alone, having a health issue, that goes on and on and I have no money. I was better off when I was asleep!!!” This is the archetype of the disempowered Feminine, and it shot through me like a lightning bolt! This has nothing to do with being a victim, this is what women have felt for a very long time.

The old disempowered Feminine (Norte Dame) held back by the patriarchy, kept under wraps in the cathedral, was burning away, released in the flames through the core of her being, and I directly across the ocean was feeing in the core of my being.

Why? Why did I have to feel this disempowerment so deeply?

Because I came to this planet to help Awaken the Empowered Divine Feminine. I carry an extremely high level of feminine energy, I have known that for a very time. I paint this new energy of the Feminine and have for 25 years, even when I didn’t know that was what I was doing. I have been following the pulse of the Great Mother.

I have felt this deep disempowerment at times, especially the last three years so that I can bring forward extreme empowerment for women.

Who are my sisters? Are you feeling this too? It’s time to rise up from the ashes and be heard! The resurrection of the Feminine.

Image from my Resilient Heart series.