Category Archives: new beginnings

Initiation

F7BB3B53-D9F0-4B93-A08A-BE7EBEE57EF9

Initiation is similar to when we were born. I imagine being born isn’t that fun and it is probably just as painful for the baby in some way as it is for the mother. The baby is leaving the warm, peaceful waters of the womb and is now being squeezed and push through the birth canal. It can take hours, and sometimes days, before they are born.

Personal initiation has the same quality. It is life changing and you are birthing a new you. I know from experience what it is like. You are moved way out of your comfort zone, your peaceful womb called life as you know it, and thrown into the birth canal.

You are squeezed, pushed and pulled to you limit to the point you want to quit to make it go away. You get a break and then another contraction happens. And another, and another. It seems like it takes forever and it will never end.

My contractions are closer together now. Some days are intense. I hope this means my new birth is eminent and expansion into my new life is near.

 

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under A wakening consciousness, Just thoughts, new beginnings, Uncategorized

And Then There is The Debt!

73874C43-D5A7-48B3-8A37-6DFEBE3014C1

After surviving and recovering from 5 heart attacks and open heart surgery, comes rebuilding your life. In the midst of rebuilding I had the fifth heart attack. It was stress induced during a traumatic experience, but I was already stressed out due to the debt created by being ill for so long.

Rebuilding your life takes time and monthly bills don’t stop. I understand the concept of barely keeping your head above water. I have been blessed through these three years to have a lot of help from friends so I didn’t fall completely behind. But I am still behind.

I am an artist and an author and also an entrepreneur and have put a number of avenues in place that can provide me with income but they don’t attract customers over night. There is foundational work that has to be done as well as finding the best outlets for marketing so you can attract buyers to your products.  So at this point a little money trickles in and it is unpredictable. It is frustratingly slow.

Every month I reach the middle of the month and begin to worry about how to pay the upcoming bills. This is stress that someone who has survived a life threatening illness shouldn’t have to face, but it happens to millions of people.  The struggle is real and embarrassing!

I had to live on credit cards while I was sick to pay for alternative healing modalities, Naturopathic care and basic living. I maxed out five credit cards. Before I got sick I had 0 credit card debt and lived on cash for 8 years so this was something I didn’t want to do. It was my only option.

Paying credit card bills was the first thing to go. I didn’t have money for basic needs so I couldn’t pay the credit cards. It wasn’t my intention not to pay them.  I get numerous robo calls a day from these creditors. This compounds the stress.

I write this because this is the reality for most people who have faced serious illnesses. It’s a real struggle and it takes a long time for it to shift. I have a lot of compassion for those who are in this situation and I know how they are feeling. It is scary, embarrassing, frustrating and anxiety producing to not be able to pay your bills.

Today I had the Sheriff at my door and I was served with papers. American Express is suing me for $4469.35. I have 20 days to respond. Of course I don’t have that kind of money laying around.

Tomorrow I call an attorney…and hope for the best outcome.

It is easy to jump into the future and think about worse case scenarios, which is what I did at first. That isn’t going to help my situation. I am just focusing on the minutes in front of me.

 

 

 

Leave a comment

Filed under heart Health, Just thoughts, new beginnings

Between Uncertainty and Possibilities

A09019D5-4F91-40AF-891F-B8F23CEE056A

This is where I am, in the uncertainty and unlimited possibilities. Some days I can see the possibilities and other days I just see what’s holding me back.

I am rebuilding at a time in my life when I wasn’t expecting to rebuild. Having my life disrupted for three years with my health was a big challenge, especially for someone who was always healthy, always on the go, always creating.

I have recreated myself and now am recreating my life. It’s exciting and sometimes challenging. Maintaining peace and trust isn’t always easy. Sometimes I don’t feel peace and feel fear.

Having another heart event 5 weeks ago sucked. I am still recovering. Some days I feel great and others days I don’t. I look healthy but my body is still healing.

I have so many things I want to create and have to remember that if my body says it needs to rest, I have to honor that and not try to push through like I use to. Sometimes I feel the pressure to do when I don’t want to do anything. I let it go because I trust the perfection of my path.

It is hard for someone who hasn’t had the experience to understand what it’s like to have your life disrupted for three years because of health.
It disrupts you on all levels. Not only has your body changed but the way you think and feel changes too.  I believe that most people who have been challenged by a life threatening illness have PTSD. You wonder if you will ever get better and when the next issue is going to pop up, and if that pain you are feeling is serious or not.
Most people also experience financial trauma. Yes it is traumatic when you lose your source of income, drain your savings and max out all your credit cards and still have bills to pay every month.  This shouldn’t happen to someone who should be focusing on healing.  I know a lot of people going through this right now and when they publicly have to ask for help it’s embarrassing. It’s the last thing they want to have to do. Talk about stress!
The medical system in the US needs to be Rebuilt. It is in the dark ages when it comes to holistic health. The only way to truly heal is holistically and if we want to give ourselves the best health care we have to look outside of the system and pay for it ourselves.
I am committed to being a bridge between the medical system and the holistic health community through my work.

Leave a comment

Filed under Empowered Health and Wellness, health and wellness, heart Health, new beginnings

Notre Dame “OurLady” rising from the Ashes.

7FC019D7-768C-4F8A-84D9-57AC04635E15

The disempowered Feminine…I believe that many women I know who are on a spiritual path will relate to this.

She is the disempowered Feminine that has been held back by the patriarchy. She feels alone, she struggles to create abundance for herself, her heart is broken, and all of this wears on her health and well-being.

I felt this to the core of my being in the early morning Today, triggered by the events of the last three weeks, a conversation with a friend yesterday and the inferno burning from the heart of Norte Dame, Our Lady. It felt like a knife going through my heart.

I wrote this in my journal “What was the point of working on conscious awakening for 32 years if this is what I woke up to! What it looks like I woke up to being all alone, having a health issue, that goes on and on and I have no money. I was better off when I was asleep!!!” This is the archetype of the disempowered Feminine, and it shot through me like a lightning bolt! This has nothing to do with being a victim, this is what women have felt for a very long time.

The old disempowered Feminine (Norte Dame) held back by the patriarchy, kept under wraps in the cathedral, was burning away, released in the flames through the core of her being, and I directly across the ocean was feeing in the core of my being.

Why? Why did I have to feel this disempowerment so deeply?

Because I came to this planet to help Awaken the Empowered Divine Feminine. I carry an extremely high level of feminine energy, I have known that for a very time. I paint this new energy of the Feminine and have for 25 years, even when I didn’t know that was what I was doing. I have been following the pulse of the Great Mother.

I have felt this deep disempowerment at times, especially the last three years so that I can bring forward extreme empowerment for women.

Who are my sisters? Are you feeling this too? It’s time to rise up from the ashes and be heard! The resurrection of the Feminine.

Image from my Resilient Heart series.

Leave a comment

Filed under Just thoughts, new beginnings, The Path of the New Woman

Walk with Guadalupe

38B1C3DF-CAFD-4CE4-B49D-A18630B1CE09

I have had a very strong connection with Our Lady of Guadalupe since 2000 when I went on a pilgrimage to her national shrine in Mexico City. I see her as the Great Mother. I wrote about that pilgrimage in my book Empowered Health and Wellness.

Many Mexicans see her as Tonantzin, the Aztec Goddess. Before the fall of the Aztec capital of Tenochtitlan in 1521, the hill where Juan Diego had his vision had also been the site of an ancient temple to the Aztec goddess Tonantzin (The Great Mother), later leveled to the ground by the Spaniards. Guadalupe’s shrine is built on top of the temple to Tonantzin.

Over the past year I have developed a more active connection with Guadalupe, having journal conversations with her almost daily.

She has made an appearance to me twice in a very unusual way. Through selfies! Guadalupe uses modern technology apparently.

If you look at the photos of me in the collage above you will see her cross. Enlarge the image to see it more clearly. In the lower left is a picture of the cross that is at her next in the miraculous image of her that is held sacred by the Mexicans. It is housed at the National Shrine.

You see the cross illuminated at my neck. They are exactly the same and there is the same necklace of light encircling my neck and chest.  This is not light bouncing off of a necklace I am wearing. It is light creating the image on my neck. I am not wearing a necklace at all.

The photo in the upper left was taken in November or December 2018 at the Saint Croix River in Minnesota. The photo on the left was taken today, April 8, 2019 in Melbourne Florida. They are 4 or 5 months apart.

I feel like this is a definitive sign from Guadalupe to me that she is by my side, walking with me.

2 Comments

Filed under new beginnings, Sacred Magic