Tag Archives: Starting over

Between Uncertainty and Possibilities


This is where I am, in the uncertainty and unlimited possibilities. Some days I can see the possibilities and other days I just see what’s holding me back.

I am rebuilding at a time in my life when I wasn’t expecting to rebuild. Having my life disrupted for three years with my health was a big challenge, especially for someone who was always healthy, always on the go, always creating.

I have recreated myself and now am recreating my life. It’s exciting and sometimes challenging. Maintaining peace and trust isn’t always easy. Sometimes I don’t feel peace and feel fear.

Having another heart event 5 weeks ago sucked. I am still recovering. Some days I feel great and others days I don’t. I look healthy but my body is still healing.

I have so many things I want to create and have to remember that if my body says it needs to rest, I have to honor that and not try to push through like I use to. Sometimes I feel the pressure to do when I don’t want to do anything. I let it go because I trust the perfection of my path.

It is hard for someone who hasn’t had the experience to understand what it’s like to have your life disrupted for three years because of health.
It disrupts you on all levels. Not only has your body changed but the way you think and feel changes too.  I believe that most people who have been challenged by a life threatening illness have PTSD. You wonder if you will ever get better and when the next issue is going to pop up, and if that pain you are feeling is serious or not.
Most people also experience financial trauma. Yes it is traumatic when you lose your source of income, drain your savings and max out all your credit cards and still have bills to pay every month.  This shouldn’t happen to someone who should be focusing on healing.  I know a lot of people going through this right now and when they publicly have to ask for help it’s embarrassing. It’s the last thing they want to have to do. Talk about stress!
The medical system in the US needs to be Rebuilt. It is in the dark ages when it comes to holistic health. The only way to truly heal is holistically and if we want to give ourselves the best health care we have to look outside of the system and pay for it ourselves.
I am committed to being a bridge between the medical system and the holistic health community through my work.

Leave a comment

Filed under Empowered Health and Wellness, health and wellness, heart Health, new beginnings

Time to Blossom

“There comes a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud is more painful than the risk it takes to blossom. ” Anais Nin

This has always been one of my favorite quotes because it so vividly speaks to opening to your true potential and how much energy it takes to hold back. It also speaks to what the world misses out on if we hold back and stay with the status quote.

This week I resigned from my current job as a therapist, putting to an end a career that spanned 25 years. I experienced therapy in many different venues, saw things I would never want to see again and witnessed other people blossom. I have grown and transformed myself in the process.

I have arrived at the place where it takes a lot more effort to hold back than it does to risk blossoming. The interesting thing is, I have come back to a place that I left behind 25 years ago, when I had my own business as an artist and I was able to create every day. I let it go out of necessity when I got divorce and had to raise two children alone. Getting a real job seemed like the only way to make that work, because I was programmed to believe that being an artist would never make me any money.

Art and creative express feed me and over the years I have found ways to paint and write even though I was working but I stopped painting completely 5 or 6 years ago when I decided to start a business that could bring me to the place I am today. I had to let go of my creative process to have the energy to work my job as a therapist and do what it takes to build a business that would support me to eventually quit my job.

That has been a double edged sword because when I am creative, I am also magnetic and alive and when I am not creative something in my energy is missing. I know that if I could have found a way to be creative and continue to paint, my business would have grown faster too. Being in joy is always more magnetic and attractive.

I had a spiritual mentor who used to say ” Exits are just as important as entrances and the way you exit a space is how you will enter the next one.”   What she meant was that it is important to pay attention to how you exit one place because you will carry that energy into the next place you enter.  If you exit in a conscious way you will enter the next adventure in a conscious way.

I have been overwhelmed by people’s response at work, as they find out I am leaving, from begging me to stay, saying they love me and shock and sadness.  We forget that we have an impact on people, at least I do.  I was dreading giving my notice because of some of the experiences I have had in the past when I have. The last job I left was a very negative experience and it was still in my psyche two years later so when it became apparent that I would be missed I was mystified.  I am 100% sure this is what I should do but it comes with a sense of loss because this has been the most nurturing and supportive environment I have worked in.  So if exits protend how entrances will be, I am entering into something not only exciting but also a phase that is very much aligned with who I am.

I can’t hold back any longer.It is time for something new to blossom in my life. I feel something right out in front of me that is calling to me and I am excited to follow the call.


Filed under Just thoughts