I am an optimistic and positive person by nature and that is why I have survived all of the challenges I have experienced but I have to tell you,
*There is a lot that sucks about having a tumor on the back of your heart!
*There is a lot that sucks about having 5 heart attacks and recovering from them.
*There is a lot that sucks about having open heart surgery and recovering from it. Like having your chest and sternum sawed open.
* There is a lot that sucks about arguing with doctors who want you to take a handful of pharmaceuticals and tell you you will die if you don’t when you know your body would heal using natural medicine.
*There is a lot that sucks about not having a partner to support you through it. When I am on the ledge and no one is around I have to talk myself down.
*There is a lot that sucks about losing all of your savings, maxing out credit cards after paying them all off, and losing your livelihood because you had to pay out of pocket to save your life
*There is a lot that sucks about recovering from one heart attack only to have another and another.
*There is a lot that sucks about having a heart attack in a foreign country, being in a hospital for a week where no one speaks your language
*There is a lot that sucks about asking friends for money!
*There is a lot that sucks about having to go to the food shelf
* There were many times that I wanted to quit
*There is a lot that sucks that I left out of this post.
There I have said it! I might make it look easy but it has been extremely difficult!
It would be so appreciated if you could donate to this fundraiser so I can take care of this Tumor naturally because trust me, having surgery would suck big time!
This is where I am, in the uncertainty and unlimited possibilities. Some days I can see the possibilities and other days I just see what’s holding me back.
I am rebuilding at a time in my life when I wasn’t expecting to rebuild. Having my life disrupted for three years with my health was a big challenge, especially for someone who was always healthy, always on the go, always creating.
I have recreated myself and now am recreating my life. It’s exciting and sometimes challenging. Maintaining peace and trust isn’t always easy. Sometimes I don’t feel peace and feel fear.
Having another heart event 5 weeks ago sucked. I am still recovering. Some days I feel great and others days I don’t. I look healthy but my body is still healing.
I have so many things I want to create and have to remember that if my body says it needs to rest, I have to honor that and not try to push through like I use to. Sometimes I feel the pressure to do when I don’t want to do anything. I let it go because I trust the perfection of my path.
It is hard for someone who hasn’t had the experience to understand what it’s like to have your life disrupted for three years because of health.
It disrupts you on all levels. Not only has your body changed but the way you think and feel changes too. I believe that most people who have been challenged by a life threatening illness have PTSD. You wonder if you will ever get better and when the next issue is going to pop up, and if that pain you are feeling is serious or not.
Most people also experience financial trauma. Yes it is traumatic when you lose your source of income, drain your savings and max out all your credit cards and still have bills to pay every month. This shouldn’t happen to someone who should be focusing on healing. I know a lot of people going through this right now and when they publicly have to ask for help it’s embarrassing. It’s the last thing they want to have to do. Talk about stress!
The medical system in the US needs to be Rebuilt. It is in the dark ages when it comes to holistic health. The only way to truly heal is holistically and if we want to give ourselves the best health care we have to look outside of the system and pay for it ourselves.
I am committed to being a bridge between the medical system and the holistic health community through my work.