A Grateful Heart

I have been overwhelmed with gratitude the last few days. I know I have said THANK YOU many times, yet this one is coming from a deeper place in me.

When you are in the midst of crisis/initiation it is hard to see the bigger picture. You just move from event to event holding on for dear life. From outside of the initiation you see clearly.

I was driving the other day when it hit me like a tsunami. I could see, feel and touch the support I got from this community of friends around the world and how it was a great part of healing my heart, the depths of which I can’t put words to, but I will try.

Right after the first heart attack, while I was still in the hospital, my guides said I needed to be very public about my journey. That scared me because we think it is much easier to suffer in silence. I am grateful I broke through my fear and shared my journey.

What happened Surprised me and healed my heart.

And so I Thank each and every one of you who has been part of this journey. I could see it all the other day, almost like a life review. You touched my heart, you helped me heal on so many levels.

To those who read my posts, dialogued with me, encouraged me and sent me love…
To those who encourage me and kept me going…
To those who visited me in the hospital…
To those who brought me meals so I didn’t have to cook…
To those who bought me groceries …often when my cupboard was bare…
To those who called, texted or sent messages to me to see how I was doing…
To everyone who donated money to the fundraisers, or send me money to surprise me. ..
To those who created fundraisers for me…
To my neighbor who has shovel my walk for 4 winters…
To my neighbors how supported me in so many ways…
To the doctors both here and in Europe who did life saving measures to save my heart.
To those who took me out for dinner or tea and spent time with me…
To those who drove me to appointments when I couldn’t drive…
To my kids who took this wild ride with me and dealt with their own suffering because of it so I didn’t have to worry…
To my cates, BJ and Charlie who did heart healing work on me several times a day and continue to do it.
To all of the healers, my Naturopaths, chiropractor who offer services remotely or in person…
To those who prayed for me and continued to through out this journey…
To my neighbor who took loving care of BJ and Charlie every time I was in the hospital…
To my dear friends who were with me in Austria when I had the second heart attack who held healing space for me while I was in the hospital for a week…
To my friend Kate who took the train an hour each way almost every day to hang out with me in the hospital and keep me sane, when she could have been painting…
To my adopted tree, Grace, for being a place of refuge when I could only walk from my car to where she stood in the forest…
To the group who did two healing sessions for me…
To everyone who believed I could recover and told me so…
To people around the world that I have never met, yet we’re there for me…
To long time friends…
To new ones…
Not one kind gesture was lost on me. I felt them all.
I am grateful from the depths of this beautiful, strong heart of mine. I could not have done it without you…thank you for loving me…
You all helped me save my life so I could stay on this beautiful planet.
You all have a special place in my heart ❤️

Parathyroid Tumor Be Gone

Many of my readers know my story about the parathyroid tumor that is in a rare position behind my heart. Story here

I had an emotional week last week because I was supposed to go in for the scan of the Parathyroid Tumor on Monday and if it was still there I would have been scheduled for surgery. This issue hadn’t even been in my consciousness for months.

After the scan was scheduled I went into fear because I felt I had to resign myself to the fact I would have to go through major surgery again. I had tried fundraising last fall to get the funds to do an alternative treatment but only raised enough to do a month. One month was not enough.

To be honest it scares me to have to go through this rare surgery to retrieve the tumor from behind my heart.

A group of my friends and my Naturopath, Jean O’Hern, rallied around me and said we will find a way to do the treatment that will release the tumor naturally. Jean is a medical intuitive and my body told her it would be gone in three months with the treatment she can do.

I canceled the scan!

I am back to feeling positive and knowing it is possible to release the tumor without surgery.

I would be grateful for any financial support you can give me.

❤️ I thank you, my heart thanks you, my body thanks you❤️

https://www.facebook.com/donate/657383161402053/?fundraiser_source=external_url

Healing Space within…

I have always believed that the “mistakes” we make when creating a work of art are the place through with spirit can enter the piece. I think the same thing is true of injuries and dis-ease in our body. It is an entry way for spirit and makes us more beautiful.  So if you are in the place of healing right now imagine that space in you that is out of harmony filled with gold.

Interview With Magnetic Authors: Barb Greenberg

My friend Barb Greenberg has written two wonderful books that you will want to read.  Here is a recent interview that I did with Barb about her books and about being an author.

Here first book:

After the Ball: A Woman’s Tale of Reclaiming Happily Ever After

Barb, can you describe your book so that people get a good idea about what it is about?

“Once upon a time there were two enchanting women named Cinderella and Snow White.  Though life had dealt harshly with them, they remained tendered hearted.  And by sweet happenstance, each fell in love and married a handsome prince.”

What  happens next in After the Ball is a story that resonates in the hearts of women, for whether you find yourself with a prince, without hope, or without direction, it reveals the universal truth about the power of women to transform their lives.

What is the inspiration behind the book or what compelled you to write it?

When I divorced after thirty-three years of marriage, I became very angry about the concept of ‘happily ever after,’ and I wondered what really happened to Cinderella and Snow White…later!!!

How long did it take you to write it?  Did you hit obstacles along the way?

It took a few years.  The first versions were rather angry, and then I realized that the story was not about the pain of losing your prince, but of the hope and joy of a new future and the ability to create your own unique ‘happily ever after.”

 Who is your audience?

Our main audience is women in transition, especially women dealing with divorce.  What is interesting is that middle school and high school girls love this book!

Tell my readers a little about yourself

I’m the founder and president of Rediscovering U (U as in University).  We offer eduction, resources and support for women approaching, experiencing or moving forward from divorce.

I love horses and breakfast at the Good Day Cafe!!

Where can people purchase your book?

After the Ball is available exclusively at www.Rediscoveringu.com

Here is a little bit about Barb’s second book:

Hope Grew Round Me

Barb, can you tell my readers about this book so that they can get a good idea about what it is about.  

Hope Grew Round Me is the memoir of how a daughter’s life-threatening accident planted the seeds for a mother’s self-discover, and a heartwarming journey from crisis to transformation.

What is the inspiration behind the book or what compelled you to write it?

As my daughter was healing form her life-threatening accident, and as I began to heal myself, a friend suggested I write this story because she said, “There are so many things you can share that can help others.”

How long did it take you to write it?  Did you hit obstacles along the way?

It took a few years. I put the manuscript away many times, as I was going through a divorce, moved twice, and my older daughter got married.  I feel that books know when they are meant to be “born” and come into the world.

That is so true, from my own experience, Barb!!

Who is your audience?

 People looking for hope, who want to be reminded of their strength, and the possibilities of new beginnings.  The feedback from both men and women has been overwhelming.

You can find Hope Grew Round me on Barb’s website as well.

Thank you for taking the time to share a bit about yourself and your books barb.  I know my readers will love them both.

It is never too late to have a funeral…

My grandfather’s grave is right next  to the marker you can see.

“Killing oneself is, anyway, a misnomer. We don’t kill ourselves. We are simply defeated by the long, hard struggle to stay alive. When somebody dies after a long illness, people are apt to say, with a note of approval, “He fought so hard.” And they are inclined to think, about a suicide, that no fight was involved, that somebody simply gave up. This is quite wrong.”
― Sally Brampton, Shoot The Damn Dog: A Memoir Of Depression

My dad’s father, my grandfather, committed suicide in 1936 during the Depression.  I only had tiny fragments of the story because people didn’t talk about that sort of thing when I was young.  Because I never knew him and had no connection to a memory, his memory faded for me.

Fast forward 76 years…

One afternoon I got an email from my older brother, Jim.  It was titled ” Please read the attached document”.  It looked official and important.  When I opened the document, it wasn’t really a document but a note that could have been sent in the body of the email.

It read “Dear Dennis, Katelyn and Melanie,

After a long search, I located and visited the grave of James William Berry, our grandfather.  As you are aware we know very little about him since he was never talked about….He died at his own hands in 1936.  When I found his grave I discovered that it is unmarked.  He was apparently considered and indigent and the county paid for the cemetery plot.  I find the fact that he is in an unmarked grave very disturbing.  I am fairly certain that I am the only person to visit his grave in the 76 years since he died!”…it goes on.  At the end he asked if we would be willing to pitch in to purchase a grave stone.

I was compelled to do something and so were my other siblings, so with no hesitation, we all dove in!

Like my brother once said, ” we have never been confused for the Waltons”, and in fact there has been a lot of disconnection in our family.  For 11 years my brother Dennis and I did not speak to each other or see each other.  I won’t go into the details of that but to say we made an attempt to connect when my mother turned 80, about 5 years ago, but it didn’t really go anywhere and when we saw each other it was uncomfortable.  I see my sister Melanie on Christmas Eve each year and maybe once in between and I rarely see my brother Jim.   To say we aren’t close would be an understatement, and that is what makes what is happening now so profound.

As I read the “document” I felt the beginnings of something unraveling inside of me.

Thus began a long series of emails  between myself and my three siblings that went from very superficial to open discussions, moving to emails between my brother Dennis and I that plummeted the depths of honesty and emotion and pushing me to release my karmic issue once and for all.

The morning after I got the first email from my brother Jim, I woke up with the notion that maybe we carried ancestral karma in our bloodline and possibly my family had been effected by this all of these years.  I found many references to karma of the ancestors that helped me gain the understanding.

The word karma means cause and effect.   There is no good or bad karma, you just play the same game again over and over until you get it right and the issue is resolved and brought back into balance.  This is why we attract the same circumstances over and over.  This is our soul’s way of learning the lessons we need to learn.

Many of us believe in re-incarnation and past lives, there are also those that believe our karma can be passed down the bloodline from generation to generation, through the mother to the child, via the mitochondria DNA (female DNA). It is thought that many of our problems in this life are linked to our ancestral past; a direct cause of unresolved issues began by our former relatives. Our unresolved problems can be visualized like a blocked pipe or cluttered tunnel spanning back through the years into our ancestral past, without the proper cleansing we could be dumping our problems (and our ancestor’s problems) onto our offspring.  From what I read trauma experienced by ancestors has a much stronger impact on future generations.

I have three siblings that I don’t even know because each of us played out our own version of this karmic spin.  And the way we played never fit together to create a connection.  It was complicated by the unfortunate drowning death of my brother, Patrick, when I was 17 and he was 18.  This event added another twist to the spin and none of us pulled out of it enough to connect with each other.

I have done over 25 years worth of personal work and there was an issue that I couldn’t quite resolve.  It got to the point where I could consciously watch myself acting it out.  Triggers were subtle.  As I plunged into this unraveling family secret I found myself getting insight into the issue that I have carried with me, and couldn’t find resolution for and where it came from.  It now makes sense why I couldn’t resolve it through other methods.

One afternoon this week we all met for lunch to piece together what we had discovered about my grandfather’s story.  Putting the puzzle together has changed me, but more than that the way it is re-uniting my family is even more amazing.  Little does my grandfather know, or maybe he does, that we have discovered his unmarked grave, researched his family history and that is bringing us back together as a family.   The karmic threads that have run through each of us from a grandfather we never knew is profound.

Our lunch stretched out over 3 hours and after lunch we went to the cemetery, picked out the gravestone and visited grandpa’s grave.  When the gravestone arrives we are going to give you a proper burial and have a wonderful funeral.

Between the stream of emails (I believe there are over 200 right now)  and growing intimacy between my brother and myself and my exploration into the ancestral karma I have been plunging into my psyche in a stunning way.  I went in to this as one person and am emerging as someone else.

And so Dear Grandfather, I imagine you felt so alone, and so devalued that you reached the point where you took your life.  Well, we are here to tell you that you do have value, that we do care about you and that you are a big part of our family history and who we are today.

…It is never to late to have a funeral!