Tag Archives: self healing

A New Path Emerges out of Transformation Addiction

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Painting by Katelyn Mariah, Oil and Egg Tempera on panel. Ibiza, Spain 2015

“One of the most enduring metaphors for the spiritual path is the transformation of the lowly caterpillar into a butterfly.  Out of its own substance, the ground-hugging grub weaves the medium for its metamorphosis—the chrysalis within which it evolves into a beautiful creature with wings.  The human being undergoes an equally dramatic transformation, unfolding the path to liberation from within the depths of the soul and emerging, after great struggle, as an expression of divinity in the world.”

I say none of this from a place of judgment but from an understanding that it was all necessary…

I have been on a path of transformation and self-healing for 30 years.  It began with a near death experience that opened me up to wanting to know who I really was and why I am on the planet, so for me to say that path has ended is a big deal!  I woke up one morning and realized I have had enough transformation and self-healing, I am done. If what we focus on is what we create, I had become expert at creating opportunities to transform and heal. It no longer felt loving to continue to dissect my psyche.  Transformation had become an addiction and going through it and coming out on the other side transformed was exhilarating. I realized that by the very nature of focusing on this path I was manifesting all kinds of experiences where I could go through the process of transformation.  After all what we focus on becomes our reality.  

The word “transformation” became popular in the 1960’s and 1970’s and became trendy in the 1980’s and 1990’s.  The word meant a spiritual awakening, though it’s deeper meaning would only become known through experience. Ultimately the spiritual path is never pleasant or comfortable.  You are literally breaking down the social programming and resultant beliefs and behaviors by diving into the psyche and seeing the truth.  Often times the truth is not easy to look at.  There were many times where a transformational event was set off that left me in pain for days while I searched for the way back to equilibrium. The process of transformation is often messy and painful.  I imagine it is a lot like how the caterpillar feels as it turns into goop.

Transformation is a taking apart process, to discover the true self so you can live an authentic life.  It is a necessary process on this planet because of all the programming we have layered on our true self through the socialization process.  Don’t get me wrong when I say I am done.  I am not saying it is a bad thing to transform and heal.  I am saying it can become addictive, sending us leaping from transformational event to transformational event. leaving us feeling like there is always more to discover and change. We are constantly “working on ourselves” and that is not fun.  When this happens we are often saying to the Universe, “I am not good enough the way I am, I need to fix that.”  The addiction to transformation can be unloving and unkind.  Very few of us love ourselves through the process.

If you begin to understand what you are without trying to change it, then what you are undergoes a transformation. ― Jiddu Krishnamurti

If you are constantly diving deeply, being self reflective and trying to fix things in yourself it is exhausting.  It is also hard on your body, mind and spirit because you are lowering your vibration and raising it all of the time. 

The thing that lead me to the place of saying “I am done, I have had enough” was yet another, big, painful opportunity to heal my body.  I have learned a lot about myself through issues with my body.  I am not chronically ill, in fact I am very healthy but I have manifested some heavy duty issues with my body.  Using the healing and transformation process in my book  Empowered Health and Wellness: Awakening Your Inner Physician I was able to discover what my body/soul was trying to tell me.  It was actually in the discovery process that I realized I was done!  I wasn’t thrilled that I needed to do another process of healing an issue with my body.  The metaphor that arose through the process was that of metamorphosis.  It was the perfect metaphor to lead me to understand that I was done with this cycle of learning and I could close the door on the path of healing and transformation.  Out of my process rose the butterfly of love and compassion and the beginning of my new path.

“When the ego says, “I can’t do this any more: this way is not working and I am done,” the soul says ‘Good. You’ve gotten everything you could out of this level of awareness and now we are going to take what you have learned and transform it into something bigger than you ever imagined it could be while you were going through it.”

“Being done” can not be planned.  You can’t pick a date and say that is the day I will have enough.  Just like you can’t pull the caterpillar out of it’s chrysalis and find a butterfly, you can only be done, when you are done!  You will feel it in your bones.

It happened for me on November 5th, 2015.  I picked up my journal and wrote: “I am officially resigning as poster child for self-healing and transformation!  I have mastered the process of healing and transforming and I no longer have to hone that skill.  I trust my body to re-balance itself whenever it is out of balance.  I am no longer having self-healing and transformation as my focus and I am choosing the path of LOVE.”   My divine inner genius responded: “We are so pleased at this outcome.  In loving yourself, know that your path is right and perfect at all times and that there are no mistakes.  All events up to this point have been to get you here.”

Yes, those of us who have been doing our spiritual work for year, we have processed enough. We have gone down enough rabbit holes. We can learn and grow and evolve just as easy through love and joy and it is way more fun. We don’t have to dissect our psyche any longer. I am being called to live an authentic life from a place of love and compassion. Continuing to transform myself no longer feels like self love to me.

I know who I am, I don’t think there is a stone left to turn over.  I have faced all of my dragons and met all of my demons and mined a lot of gems and diamonds in the process. I love the person I have discovered, which is the person I always was but just couldn’t see.

Now what? I have no clue but honestly it feels fabulous. Authenticity, following my heart and love feels good for starters. (This is not to say these things haven’t been part of my path already ) 

I am still left with the work of healing the current physical issue but now that I have learned what I needed to learn from it, it is only a matter of time before my body catches up and returns to balance.

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Painting by Katelyn Mariah, Oil and Egg Tempera on panel. Ibiza, Spain 2015

The author, Katelyn Mariah is a visionary artist, author, conscious entrepreneur, and alchemist.  Learn more at www.embracingeudaimonia.com

Find her books at www,mystickcreekpublishing.com

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I Got Bad News From the Doctor the Other Day…

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Before I tell you my story I want to share with you something I wrote last fall about what happens when the doctor gives you bad news.

Let’s play with this consciousness for a moment. Here is a scenario from a doctor’s visit where someone finds out they are very sick.

The doctor comes into the room and says, “I am sorry to have to tell you this but you have_______”

The blank can be any number of diseases or afflictions that are serious and/or life threatening.  The first thing the patient says to themselves is “Oh God, I have______!”

That becomes the story they tell to everyone.  They announce it on Facebook and tell all of their friends.  What happens?  The moment we give our agreement to a belief, we bring it to life and now we have other people bringing it to life too!  It is easy to predict what is going to happen.

What if the doctor came into the examination room and said something like, “We have some challenges ahead of us, but I am confident that if we all work together, they can be overcome. I will work with you, your family and your Inner Physician to find the right resources to get beyond these challenges.”  Think of the seed the doctor is planting through that statement and imagine what would happen.

When I wrote this I was just putting it out there as an idea.

The other day it happened to me…

I know this is going to be a bit annoying but I am not going to say what the doctor told me because I don’t want to put any extra energy toward it.  I will just say that it was not something I was happy to hear.  What I would like is rather then trying to figure out or wonder what is wrong with me just send me healing energy in what ever form that takes for you.

So,I had an exam and x-rays and told me a tiny piece of what she was seeing.  She also said she didn’t know if she would accept my case until she went through the exam findings.

I felt so well on the way to the doctor that I was wondering why I was even going.  When I left I was in pain all over my body!  That is the power of the medical story. Each of us has a story we attach to the top diseases and disorders when we hear them.  I had a story that I attached with this diagnosis.

I found it interesting that I went through a process that started with feeling defeated and broken, to angry about what was happening, to empowered, which happened today.

Last night when I went to bed I thought “how am I going to go to her office, listen to her findings and not let them land in my psyche?  I know from my experience of self healing and working with my Inner Physician, that the less information I had the better.

I woke up with a stroke of brilliance in my mind.  The way around getting hook in the story was to not hear the story at all!!!

This set off another chain of events because I have never had support from a doctor when I have shared my not so common ideas about healing. I have even had doctors laugh.  So I was nervous about doing it now but I knew I had to. I couldn’t hear the story because it would get crystalized in my psyche and slow down my healing or maybe even stop it entirely.

I arrived at the doctors office and was put in the office where the findings would be reveal to me.  The receptionist turn on a video that I was suppose to watch.  I didn’t want to watch a video I just wanted to get on with it.  I knew what I was going to say and just wanted to say it.

After about 20 minutes the doctor came in carrying my report and my x-rays under her arm.  We greeted each other and then I said ” I have a request”.  She said “sure, what is it?”  I said ” This might be out of the norm but I don’t want to hear your findings.  It is not that I don’t care or that I don’t think it is important, but I know how the mind works and I don’t want to get hung up on the details.  All I want to know is can we work together and will it help.”  She grabbed my hand and told me she understood completely.  She told me that she would work with me in the way that was best for me.

I talked with her about how I feel that when a doctor tells a patient what they have found out from their exam, especially if it is bad new that becomes their story.  I talked about how I felt that once the story was planted it interfered with the healing process.  I told her that everything doctors ever told me that were supposed to be permanent and incurable, no longer existed in my body. I also said that I believe what is happening is just information for me to evolve spiritually and that when I understand the message the issue will resolve.   I said ” You are the expert on the structures of the body and I am the expert on my body and how my inner physician works.”  She agreed.

We went through the whole interview without her giving me any more information about what was going on.  A couple times during the 30 or so minutes we both had tears in our eyes.

I gave her a few examples of how I had healed myself.  She said “This is music to my ears, when a client comes in using words like “I am very in touch with my body” or “I know how to get back in to alignment, I know this is someone who is going to make amazing progress and of course I want to work with you.”

This was the most empowering and healing experience I have ever had with a doctor.  I know I am in the right hands to reverse what is going on in my body and bring it back into balance and harmony!

I will be writing about this journey along the way and only when I am healed will I talk about what the issue is…sorry…I have to do it that way.

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Katelyn Mariah is the author of Empowered Health and Wellness: Awaken the Inner Physician

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Filed under Awakening The Inner Physician, Empowered Health and Wellness, health and wellness