Ahhh…It has been ten months since I closed the door on my career of 26 years as a therapist and it has been an interesting journey of transformation and discovery for me. I am not the same woman who walked away from a successful career ten months ago.
For many years I have had the mantra, “when I grow up I want to be 4 years old”. It came from the fact that when I was four, life was grand. It was easy, joyful, spontaneous and carefree. I knew those were qualities I wanted to cultivate, but I also knew that it went deeper.
I wrote a blog about it called “When I Grow Up I Want to be Four” which is an interesting read based on what we are energetically at four. What I really wanted was to feel as I did when I was four but be able to use that energy from an empowered adult place. The past 10 months have brought me closer to that desire.
In May of last year I created a level of prosperity that allowed me to close the door on the traditional J.O. B. One of the reasons that I wanted to create a level of prosperity which would make it possible for me to quit my job was so that I could do the things that I was passionate about, that had been put on the shelf for someday.
Silly me, I thought it would be a smooth, easy transition out the door of one way of life and into the door of a new one. Wrong! Here is where I ran into trouble. I have been blessed with a lot of gifts and talents and I wanted to find a vehicle that would allow me to express all of them. We are socialized to pick a talent and run with it and do that for the rest of our lives. Ah, that seemed boring to me. That is why I switched gears within my career so many times. Staying in one place did not satisfy my restless heart.
The first couple of months I struggled with WHAT to do and because I couldn’t find the pretty package to dress it in, I did very little. That is not entirely true. I spent the last four years building the residual income business that provided me with the means to leave my job and I continued to work on that. But I did little to move me forward to that “mission” I thought I was here to do.
For several months I pretty much gave up on the idea of finding the vehicle and did a lot of mindless things that had nothing to do with finding my purpose. It was frustrating at the time but I know now that it was all purposeful because a lot was happening behind the scenes. I was being shifted, changed and transformed in so many ways.
The last few months I have felt frustrated and invisible. Upset because no one could see who I really was. Everyone thought I was the women who “sold body wraps” and created a successful women’s networking group, but they didn’t really know who I was. Why? Because I was only showing that side of me. Funny how that works! It was the frustration of not being seen that pushed me to start showing myself.
Looking back I can see that I have been pregnant with myself all of these months and the process I have been experiencing has been a lot like pregnancy. Not know what to do, getting frustrated, wanting to know, over eating, feeling exhausted and finally wanting to give birth to this thing!
At the nine month point in my “pregnancy” I felt a shift. I started to feel that something was being born out of my process. I began feeling a new energy around me. One that is integrated, more focused and beginning to have direction. I have been in that energy for about a month and I have the format for my purpose. In fact…I am starting to feel like I am four again!