By Katelyn Mariah, originally published in 2000, in the Edge Magazine
Love is the most powerful force in the Universe, even though it feels as though fear is stronger. It is through the gateway of fear that we come to the true experience of love. Fear becomes the mirror of what lies hidden in the recesses of the self. We fear what we don’t understand in ourselves and others.
When parts of ourself that we don’t except are reflected in another, we fear the other. It is easier to see our disowned self as part of them than to claim it as our own. We develop fear, become polarized and a conflict is created. When we refuse to claim and love our hidden “unloveable” self, conflict can’t be resolved or transformed and we walk away.
Society supports the conflict that is created by duality with words such as black/white, good/bad, light/dark and love and fear by making one better than the other. We call them opposites which sets up unconscious programming.
The age old phrase “The opposite sex” sets up unconscious conflict between the Masculine/feminine. The word opposite means “things that are opposed” or “on different ends of the spectrum.” “Opposite sex” sets up unconscious conflict by e the nature of the term— a term used freely in our culture.
On the other hand, change the word from opposite to “compliment,” and a new relationship is created between them, a romance of compliments. There is a natural magnetism between compliments. They support each other and exist side by side. In making a simple change in one word we shift the paradigm and release the conflict and the fear, allowing the journey of love to begin.
In the dance of compliments, the sun couldn’t shine if there wasn’t a dark sky to light up and the moon wouldn’t glow if the sun wasn’t reflecting it’s light on her. Nothing stays the same in nature. Things continue to change and grow like a fine romance. The romance of compliments is a dance of service to each other.
Being in partnership can be the greatest mirror to finding self-love and love for the other, bringing us to our knees in fear as it carries us to new levels of mastery if we let it.
We live in a culture that has nurtured autonomy, rewarding our independent and self-sufficient nature while cramming terms like “needy” and “codependent down our throats. To avoid becoming enmeshed with another, many of us have become masters of the art of autonomy.
After all of the inner searching, discovery and return to balance, we discover that we want to be in relationships, but letting another onto our island of self-sufficiency can not only be tricky, but scary business, and being alone might look more inviting than standing to face our fear.
Partnership with another person is a sacred act, and it should be entered into with a sense of reverence. To dedicate you path to yourself and another must not be taken lightly. This is the person who will be the guardian of your secrets, dreams, fears and wishes so your sense of trust must be deep, for this is sacred space.
The longing, recognition and deep inner knowing you have with someone is only the beginning of learning who they truly are. When love causes you to tremble in fear, do not run away, for those are times of great power and you are standing in front of your greatest teacher.
The dance of romance between compliments can begin to happen as we see and experience the innate beauty and power that is unique to woman and the innate beauty and power unique to men through the eyes of love. When we stand in our power and reflect that beauty, which compliments the other, we will be on our way to healthy male/female relationships, which are a balance of intimacy and autonomy and a reflection of love.