Tag Archives: conscious living

Thirty Years Ago I Almost Died


“Swan Song” 22×30 watercolor and acrylic/with mica March 2002 Katelyn Mariah

It is true, on March 4th, 1985 I woke in ICU from an 8 hour surgery that saved my life and asked my husband for a divorce.  My surgeon told me that 99% of people who get what I had died because it was so difficult to find.  They found mine in the 11th hour and I survived.

My first thoughts as I regained consciousness and realized I was still here were, “If I am still alive I must have a purpose and it is wasn’t to stay trapped in a miserable marriage.”  What I sensed was a purpose seemed big and I felt an urgency to find it.  An urgency that would drive me for many years to come and leave me with a sense that I still hadn’t found what I stayed here to do.

I was so driven to find the reason that I chose to stay that I couldn’t even see the things I had accomplished because I was moving so fast.  I knew I wanted my life to have meaning and I wanted to have an impact on other people.  In my mind it seemed like I had to do something really big to accomplish that.  I think that people who know me would find this whole thing funny because I have a long list of things I have accomplished in the last 30 years, more than most people ever accomplish.  Many of the things on my list are things most people don’t get a chance to do.  I have a friend who routinely says to me “You know how to do That too?  What don’t you do?”  I was too busy searching to really notice.

I think my sense of urgency came from the fact that I almost died and it could happen again before I discovered my purpose.  Urgency can cloud the issue and keep you focused in the future.  That is what it did for me.   It comes with a sense of holding your breath, just waiting for something big to happen.  Waiting to exhale…

I also think there was a part of me that felt that I had to prove that my life was worth saving!  At that point in my life I was in an abusive relationship feeling pretty worthless so I had to do something really big to prove myself.  I don’t feel that way now but I do think my subconscious was seeded with that thought 30 years ago and that has also been a driving force.

Now on the 30th anniversary of this event, I find myself pondering this whole idea of accomplishment.  Does it matter if I accomplish something big?  What if I really haven’t had an impact on people, does that diminish who I am?  What if no one has even noticed what I have been doing the last 30 years, would that mean I was wrong in thinking there was something big I had to do?  What if I don’t find that life partner that I have always thought I would find? Has my time been wasted?

The reality is, just being on this planet during a time of so much turmoil and transformation is a big accomplishment. Making a daily commitment to become more conscious, kinder, more loving, think positively, enjoy this grand adventure called life is a big accomplishment.  The fact that I survived and chose to stay here for another 30 years is a big accomplishment.  I got a second chance and that in itself is pretty big.

The bigger reality is, each of us is important in the grand scheme of things just by our very existence.  We each carry a frequency, vibration and wisdom that no other human being carries.  We are all connected to each other through the web of life and what you do impacts the whole. I have actually seen the web that links us all together, I have seen the fluid that flows between us and we are all part of it.  The phrase “We are all one” is true because we are a part of the whole.  Your kindness to someone else impacts me, my love for someone impacts you.  The same is true with my frustration or your anger.  We are impacting each other every day. We are all breathing the same air which is the breath of God.

We don’t have to accomplish big things to make a difference, that is just a program we have bought into.

It doesn’t matter what people think about us, what people say about us, how people judge us.  None of that matters.

I think what really matters is do you love yourself and are you being the authentic expression of who you are? Are you as full on when you are eating an apple as when you are jumping out of a plane for the first time or standing in a temple in Bali.  Are you full on staring out into space “doing nothing” as you are making $5000 in a day.

Full on, self loving, authentic expression, no matter what you are doing, is the accomplishment!!!

Just Breathe….



Filed under Just thoughts

Why did I Write My Book?


 I wrote this book for you!  I have discovered many secrets to healing through my own journey and I feel I have a responsibility to share them with you!!

First, I have to admit that I had no previous thought of writing this book, in fact I didn’t want to write it!  I had resisted doing it for years, even though I knew it might be helpful to other people.  I just didn’t want to revisit or put any more energy into things from the past that had caused me so much physical pain.  I wanted to leave those experiences in the past where I felt they belonged. 

My Soul Had a Different Idea!

I woke one morning at 4:00 and the introduction began to write itself as I lay in bed.  Oh damn, I thought, now I have to write this book, it is already writing itself. My soul and my Inner Physician knew that I had discovered secrets to healing my body in the process of my journey and I NEEDED to share them.  The only effective way to do this was to write a book.  I knew this was true!

I also knew that that in writing my book I would be releasing my stories so they could help other people on their own journeys back to wellness and I had an obligation to do that.  I also knew that I would be opening myself up to being vulnerable by talking about my intimate process of healing which was sometimes messy, sometimes difficult, and introduced me to some seemingly unusual and bizarre healing methods.  

Of course I was concerned what people would think, and I still am. Come on!  I didn’t want to write a book. It seemed like a daunting task to get it right.  I did it.  It took me 9 years from that morning at 4 AM, but I did it.  I did it for all of the people I could help!  All the lives that might change because of my seemingly impossible journey back to wellness. 

I know people need to read this book and I don’t know anything about marketing a book, but I am learning as I go so that it will find it’s way to the right people.

I did it for you! If you want to transform your physical, mental or emotional health I know without a shadow of a doubt that “Empowered Health and Wellness, awakening your inner physician” will help you do just that!

Amazon Paper Back Amazon Kindle  Signed Copy from me

We are on this planet to thrive and we don’t have to be sick on any level, we just need to know a few things that can change the view so we can be in Health, abundance and Well-being. Would you agree?    My book is a road map to help you find those treasures!!!

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Filed under Empowered Health and Wellness