Tag Archives: conscious living

Thirty Years Ago I Almost Died


“Swan Song” 22×30 watercolor and acrylic/with mica March 2002 Katelyn Mariah

It is true, on March 4th, 1985 I woke in ICU from an 8 hour surgery that saved my life and asked my husband for a divorce.  My surgeon told me that 99% of people who get what I had died because it was so difficult to find.  They found mine in the 11th hour and I survived.

My first thoughts as I regained consciousness and realized I was still here were, “If I am still alive I must have a purpose and it is wasn’t to stay trapped in a miserable marriage.”  What I sensed was a purpose seemed big and I felt an urgency to find it.  An urgency that would drive me for many years to come and leave me with a sense that I still hadn’t found what I stayed here to do.

I was so driven to find the reason that I chose to stay that I couldn’t even see the things I had accomplished because I was moving so fast.  I knew I wanted my life to have meaning and I wanted to have an impact on other people.  In my mind it seemed like I had to do something really big to accomplish that.  I think that people who know me would find this whole thing funny because I have a long list of things I have accomplished in the last 30 years, more than most people ever accomplish.  Many of the things on my list are things most people don’t get a chance to do.  I have a friend who routinely says to me “You know how to do That too?  What don’t you do?”  I was too busy searching to really notice.

I think my sense of urgency came from the fact that I almost died and it could happen again before I discovered my purpose.  Urgency can cloud the issue and keep you focused in the future.  That is what it did for me.   It comes with a sense of holding your breath, just waiting for something big to happen.  Waiting to exhale…

I also think there was a part of me that felt that I had to prove that my life was worth saving!  At that point in my life I was in an abusive relationship feeling pretty worthless so I had to do something really big to prove myself.  I don’t feel that way now but I do think my subconscious was seeded with that thought 30 years ago and that has also been a driving force.

Now on the 30th anniversary of this event, I find myself pondering this whole idea of accomplishment.  Does it matter if I accomplish something big?  What if I really haven’t had an impact on people, does that diminish who I am?  What if no one has even noticed what I have been doing the last 30 years, would that mean I was wrong in thinking there was something big I had to do?  What if I don’t find that life partner that I have always thought I would find? Has my time been wasted?

The reality is, just being on this planet during a time of so much turmoil and transformation is a big accomplishment. Making a daily commitment to become more conscious, kinder, more loving, think positively, enjoy this grand adventure called life is a big accomplishment.  The fact that I survived and chose to stay here for another 30 years is a big accomplishment.  I got a second chance and that in itself is pretty big.

The bigger reality is, each of us is important in the grand scheme of things just by our very existence.  We each carry a frequency, vibration and wisdom that no other human being carries.  We are all connected to each other through the web of life and what you do impacts the whole. I have actually seen the web that links us all together, I have seen the fluid that flows between us and we are all part of it.  The phrase “We are all one” is true because we are a part of the whole.  Your kindness to someone else impacts me, my love for someone impacts you.  The same is true with my frustration or your anger.  We are impacting each other every day. We are all breathing the same air which is the breath of God.

We don’t have to accomplish big things to make a difference, that is just a program we have bought into.

It doesn’t matter what people think about us, what people say about us, how people judge us.  None of that matters.

I think what really matters is do you love yourself and are you being the authentic expression of who you are? Are you as full on when you are eating an apple as when you are jumping out of a plane for the first time or standing in a temple in Bali.  Are you full on staring out into space “doing nothing” as you are making $5000 in a day.

Full on, self loving, authentic expression, no matter what you are doing, is the accomplishment!!!

Just Breathe….


Filed under Just thoughts

Why did I Write My Book?


 I wrote this book for you!  I have discovered many secrets to healing through my own journey and I feel I have a responsibility to share them with you!!

First, I have to admit that I had no previous thought of writing this book, in fact I didn’t want to write it!  I had resisted doing it for years, even though I knew it might be helpful to other people.  I just didn’t want to revisit or put any more energy into things from the past that had caused me so much physical pain.  I wanted to leave those experiences in the past where I felt they belonged. 

My Soul Had a Different Idea!

I woke one morning at 4:00 and the introduction began to write itself as I lay in bed.  Oh damn, I thought, now I have to write this book, it is already writing itself. My soul and my Inner Physician knew that I had discovered secrets to healing my body in the process of my journey and I NEEDED to share them.  The only effective way to do this was to write a book.  I knew this was true!

I also knew that that in writing my book I would be releasing my stories so they could help other people on their own journeys back to wellness and I had an obligation to do that.  I also knew that I would be opening myself up to being vulnerable by talking about my intimate process of healing which was sometimes messy, sometimes difficult, and introduced me to some seemingly unusual and bizarre healing methods.  

Of course I was concerned what people would think, and I still am. Come on!  I didn’t want to write a book. It seemed like a daunting task to get it right.  I did it.  It took me 9 years from that morning at 4 AM, but I did it.  I did it for all of the people I could help!  All the lives that might change because of my seemingly impossible journey back to wellness. 

I know people need to read this book and I don’t know anything about marketing a book, but I am learning as I go so that it will find it’s way to the right people.

I did it for you! If you want to transform your physical, mental or emotional health I know without a shadow of a doubt that “Empowered Health and Wellness, awakening your inner physician” will help you do just that!

Amazon Paper Back Amazon Kindle  Signed Copy from me

We are on this planet to thrive and we don’t have to be sick on any level, we just need to know a few things that can change the view so we can be in Health, abundance and Well-being. Would you agree?    My book is a road map to help you find those treasures!!!

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Filed under Empowered Health and Wellness

Watering Dream-Seeds with Ritualized Intention.

Now that I am no longer working I have been thinking a lot about what I want to create in my life. It is like having a handful of seeds that I can scatter in my new garden and I just have to pick which ones will bring me joy.

I have always loved seeds and you will find them in a lot of my paintings, like the image above. To me they represent possibility, potential, and the unmanifest. A tiny container of miracles. Dream-Seeds are the seeds of our heart’s desire, our dreams and wishes that have yet to reach manifestation.

According to the Mayan Oracle the Mayan symbol for seed is Kan. The Mayan oracle says ” All seeds are self-germinated and that the realization of any dream starts with a simple thought. Don’t get lost in the process of manifestation; just begin by seeding your heart’s desire.” It is about feeling the possibility of our dream-seed emerging, sending it off with intention and not forcing it or trying to make it happen. Our job is to be receptive, plant our seeds in fertile soil, nurture them, stand back. and surrender.

Kan reminds us that we are like a tiny seed filled with everything we need to realize our fullest potential. You have everything you need inside of you to accomplish your dream once you allow yourself to go beyond your limitations and face whatever comes to you as a challenge to grow some important aspect of yourself. Within each of us are the seeds of our dreams. The seeds that will carry us to our fullest potential.

Just think, a little seed knows exactly what to do in order to go from this tiny state into an enormously large tree and the ability to continue to grow, live and flourish is all contained in the seed, like a blue print. The seed is a hologram of what it will become if properly planted, and cared for throughout its gestation. An acorn does not become an apple tree, and a tomato seed does not become a lily. Each tiny seed or nut becomes what it is supposed to become. It is the same with the seeds of our dreams.

In my experiment to create my day I want to focus my intention on the seeds I want to nurture during the month of June. The first step in manifestation is to decide which dream-seeds I want to sew.   I have two Dream-Seeds that I want to gestate, one has to do with building my It Works business and the other with calling in a partner.

Setting intentions is the next step in the manifestation process and it is easier than you may think. You don’t need to spend hours working on them, just a few key sentences will do.  As you set them, make sure you choose intentions that you’re ready to put your time and energy behind. What matters the most is that they feel right to you. You will know if they do if you say “Yes! this is exactly what I want to focus on and create in my life at this time.  Feeling is key to manifestation. Setting intentions in and of itself is only one part of the process. Taking action to fulfill them is what inspires doors to open and pathways to clear.  The action part of the process is aligning yourself with the intention and following the promptings of the inner guide.

My action plan for my 31 Day Living Spontaneously experiment is to create a morning ritual to set the tone for the day. When I use the word ritual, I mean a series of things that are done each day.  The ritual in this case is the morning meditation of creating my day with intention and focus placed on the things I want to manifest.  The act of ritualizing intention pours life into the Dream-Seed.  To make it even more powerful I have two seeds that I am going to carry in my pocket as a symbol of the two desires.

The rest of the action is about surrendering, believing and watching what the Universe brings in response.


Filed under 31 Day experiment in Living Spontaneously, Just thoughts