Category Archives: heart Health

Yesterday I Lost My Mind

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Yesterday I lost my mind!

I dropped from my mind into my heart and my heart started to speak about a key issue I have worked on/with for a big part of my life. You know that one that is slippery, yet insidious, that you can’t quite understand? That one that sneaks up on you when you least expect it.

As I wrote in my journal, I watched it unravel, before my eyes, in a way I had never seen before. It because crystal clear so I could see it. I could feel it release from my cells this time and I felt a lightness I had never felt before.

I understood that there is both a collective program/matrix and a personal program/matrix that hold each other in place. It takes deep, deep inner work to extract yourself because these programs reinforce each other so it’s hard to see. I am grateful for my tenacious persistence to do the deep work to free myself. Many people never get free.

I thank my heart for all it has shown me ❤️

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Filed under A wakening consciousness, heart Health, Just thoughts, Personal development

And Then There is The Debt!

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After surviving and recovering from 5 heart attacks and open heart surgery, comes rebuilding your life. In the midst of rebuilding I had the fifth heart attack. It was stress induced during a traumatic experience, but I was already stressed out due to the debt created by being ill for so long.

Rebuilding your life takes time and monthly bills don’t stop. I understand the concept of barely keeping your head above water. I have been blessed through these three years to have a lot of help from friends so I didn’t fall completely behind. But I am still behind.

I am an artist and an author and also an entrepreneur and have put a number of avenues in place that can provide me with income but they don’t attract customers over night. There is foundational work that has to be done as well as finding the best outlets for marketing so you can attract buyers to your products.  So at this point a little money trickles in and it is unpredictable. It is frustratingly slow.

Every month I reach the middle of the month and begin to worry about how to pay the upcoming bills. This is stress that someone who has survived a life threatening illness shouldn’t have to face, but it happens to millions of people.  The struggle is real and embarrassing!

I had to live on credit cards while I was sick to pay for alternative healing modalities, Naturopathic care and basic living. I maxed out five credit cards. Before I got sick I had 0 credit card debt and lived on cash for 8 years so this was something I didn’t want to do. It was my only option.

Paying credit card bills was the first thing to go. I didn’t have money for basic needs so I couldn’t pay the credit cards. It wasn’t my intention not to pay them.  I get numerous robo calls a day from these creditors. This compounds the stress.

I write this because this is the reality for most people who have faced serious illnesses. It’s a real struggle and it takes a long time for it to shift. I have a lot of compassion for those who are in this situation and I know how they are feeling. It is scary, embarrassing, frustrating and anxiety producing to not be able to pay your bills.

Today I had the Sheriff at my door and I was served with papers. American Express is suing me for $4469.35. I have 20 days to respond. Of course I don’t have that kind of money laying around.

Tomorrow I call an attorney…and hope for the best outcome.

It is easy to jump into the future and think about worse case scenarios, which is what I did at first. That isn’t going to help my situation. I am just focusing on the minutes in front of me.

 

 

 

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Filed under heart Health, Just thoughts, new beginnings

Between Uncertainty and Possibilities

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This is where I am, in the uncertainty and unlimited possibilities. Some days I can see the possibilities and other days I just see what’s holding me back.

I am rebuilding at a time in my life when I wasn’t expecting to rebuild. Having my life disrupted for three years with my health was a big challenge, especially for someone who was always healthy, always on the go, always creating.

I have recreated myself and now am recreating my life. It’s exciting and sometimes challenging. Maintaining peace and trust isn’t always easy. Sometimes I don’t feel peace and feel fear.

Having another heart event 5 weeks ago sucked. I am still recovering. Some days I feel great and others days I don’t. I look healthy but my body is still healing.

I have so many things I want to create and have to remember that if my body says it needs to rest, I have to honor that and not try to push through like I use to. Sometimes I feel the pressure to do when I don’t want to do anything. I let it go because I trust the perfection of my path.

It is hard for someone who hasn’t had the experience to understand what it’s like to have your life disrupted for three years because of health.
It disrupts you on all levels. Not only has your body changed but the way you think and feel changes too.  I believe that most people who have been challenged by a life threatening illness have PTSD. You wonder if you will ever get better and when the next issue is going to pop up, and if that pain you are feeling is serious or not.
Most people also experience financial trauma. Yes it is traumatic when you lose your source of income, drain your savings and max out all your credit cards and still have bills to pay every month.  This shouldn’t happen to someone who should be focusing on healing.  I know a lot of people going through this right now and when they publicly have to ask for help it’s embarrassing. It’s the last thing they want to have to do. Talk about stress!
The medical system in the US needs to be Rebuilt. It is in the dark ages when it comes to holistic health. The only way to truly heal is holistically and if we want to give ourselves the best health care we have to look outside of the system and pay for it ourselves.
I am committed to being a bridge between the medical system and the holistic health community through my work.

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Filed under Empowered Health and Wellness, health and wellness, heart Health, new beginnings

Healing Initiation

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About a year ago someone I respected told me that no one would come to me for healing because of my health, even though I have 25 years of training and experience in the field.

I let that distract me. I let it stop me. It made my question my ability.

The TRUTH is, I have been initiated, on a deep level, into Heart Medicine and the art of self healing and survived. Not many people can say that!

I AM the person you would want to work with if you want to learn how to heal yourself of anything or if you want to know how to have a healthy heart. You would be learning from an expert!

In many shamanic traditions the shaman becomes a healer through their own life threatening illness and surviving. It is said that they carry the healing medicine because of that experience. The community seeks out those people when they need healing.

I have a sacred responsibility to share what I have learned.

Teaching Creative Self Healing is my mission.

I have poured a great deal of my healing medicine into three of my books, Empowered Health and Wellness, Resilient Heart and Resilient Heart Art. Anyone who reads any one of these books will gain a ton of wisdom about healing, not just in knowledge but understanding the personal experience of surviving such an experience and how to do it yourself. www.mystickcreekpublishing.com

I am not distracted any more. I don’t believe the BS that no one would want to work with me because of my heart issues. If you want to learn about healing yourself, from someone who knows it intimately, You will want to reach out to me. ❤️

www.katelynmariah.com

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Filed under Empowered Health and Wellness, heart Health, Resilient Heart

Compassion and forgiveness for…yourself!

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I have been home for three days. It has been a month since the traumatic event and the heart attack. I don’t feel afraid to be in my own home anymore and I am not afraid to go to sleep. I don’t feel shame or embarrassment for renting to someone I didn’t know. I am not mad at myself like I was or nor am I judging myself. ( these are common feelings people who experience trauma feel. Victim shaming doesn’t help)

All of that is gone, not just because I got to hang out at the ocean for 2+weeks but because I did the personal work I needed to do around this incident to be whole again. I had to feel the feelings, listen to them and let them go, so I could move to compassion, forgiveness and self love.

“Listen to your heart” has been one of the underlying messages through each heart event I have experienced. I didn’t listen to my heart this time and ultimately my heart had to show me again.

I didn’t want to rent space in my house, I decided that long ago. I responded out of pressure and fear and overrode my heart. I needed money and this seemed like a win win situation. But I bypassed my heart to do it.

I can’t respond from a place of financial fear and bypass my heart because of money. Even if I feel like I am backed in a corner, like I did. I can’t do it. Anymore…ever.

Responding from fear closes down the flow of prosperity, it doesn’t open the flow like we want it to.

When I am in my heart, knowing I am taken care of, money and resources flow…every time.

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Filed under health and wellness, heart Health