Daily Archives: September 15, 2019

Living in Your Heart

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Do you know what it feels like to live from inside of your heart?

The first time I felt it was five days before I had open heart surgery. I was so angry and disappointed when the doctor told me I had to have surgery. I want to run away from my life. Make this nightmare go away. I had truly been through so much already. I didn’t know if I could get through this. I cried a lot. I was afraid. I went to sleep that night in fear.

I woke up the next morning in such a state of peace, knowing this was the best thing for me. The fear was gone. The anger was gone. All I felt was a deep sense of trust that my path was unfolding in the highest and best way for me. I was fearless going into surgery. I felt I had received grace for some loving expanded presence.

I stayed in that space for over two months. It didn’t matter that I was in terrible pain and discomfort and my outer world was falling apart. I felt peace. I had never felt anything like it before and I wanted to stay there forever.

That is what living in your heart feels like. It’s a state of Grace.

Unfortunately I couldn’t maintain it.

It has been almost two years since I had surgery and I have dropped in and out of heart space, each time maintaining it a little longer. Each time I knew I had to dive a bit deeper into myself to remove more of what was keeping peace away.

I arrived again a couple of months ago…I feel so much peace, love and freedom. My wish is that everyone can feel this. I feel like all of what I have been through was so worth being able to feel such freedom and love. I want to stay here forever…

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A Grateful Heart

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I have been overwhelmed with gratitude the last few days. I know I have said THANK YOU many times, yet this one is coming from a deeper place in me.

When you are in the midst of crisis/initiation it is hard to see the bigger picture. You just move from event to event holding on for dear life. From outside of the initiation you see clearly.

I was driving the other day when it hit me like a tsunami. I could see, feel and touch the support I got from this community of friends around the world and how it was a great part of healing my heart, the depths of which I can’t put words to, but I will try.

Right after the first heart attack, while I was still in the hospital, my guides said I needed to be very public about my journey. That scared me because we think it is much easier to suffer in silence. I am grateful I broke through my fear and shared my journey.

What happened Surprised me and healed my heart.

And so I Thank each and every one of you who has been part of this journey. I could see it all the other day, almost like a life review. You touched my heart, you helped me heal on so many levels.

To those who read my posts, dialogued with me, encouraged me and sent me love…
To those who encourage me and kept me going…
To those who visited me in the hospital…
To those who brought me meals so I didn’t have to cook…
To those who bought me groceries …often when my cupboard was bare…
To those who called, texted or sent messages to me to see how I was doing…
To everyone who donated money to the fundraisers, or send me money to surprise me. ..
To those who created fundraisers for me…
To my neighbor who has shovel my walk for 4 winters…
To my neighbors how supported me in so many ways…
To the doctors both here and in Europe who did life saving measures to save my heart.
To those who took me out for dinner or tea and spent time with me…
To those who drove me to appointments when I couldn’t drive…
To my kids who took this wild ride with me and dealt with their own suffering because of it so I didn’t have to worry…
To my cates, BJ and Charlie who did heart healing work on me several times a day and continue to do it.
To all of the healers, my Naturopaths, chiropractor who offer services remotely or in person…
To those who prayed for me and continued to through out this journey…
To my neighbor who took loving care of BJ and Charlie every time I was in the hospital…
To my dear friends who were with me in Austria when I had the second heart attack who held healing space for me while I was in the hospital for a week…
To my friend Kate who took the train an hour each way almost every day to hang out with me in the hospital and keep me sane, when she could have been painting…
To my adopted tree, Grace, for being a place of refuge when I could only walk from my car to where she stood in the forest…
To the group who did two healing sessions for me…
To everyone who believed I could recover and told me so…
To people around the world that I have never met, yet we’re there for me…
To long time friends…
To new ones…
Not one kind gesture was lost on me. I felt them all.
I am grateful from the depths of this beautiful, strong heart of mine. I could not have done it without you…thank you for loving me…
You all helped me save my life so I could stay on this beautiful planet.
You all have a special place in my heart ❤️

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Filed under heart Health, Resilient Heart