I took the leap and quit my job! This is something I have wanted to do for a long time. It was time to do what I came here to do which includes, painting, writing, inspiring people to live their best lives and encourage others to follow their dreams. The day my departure was announced at the clinic I was struck with the worst headache I have ever had. It was like being struck by lightning on the left side of my face, with pulses of electrical current surging through my face every few minutes. I tried everything to make it go away but it wouldn’t budge!
On the third day I got the strongest headache medicine I could get over the counter and for 5 hours the headache was gone. It was my birthday and I wasn’t going to let a headache spoil a day I had planned for two months. The next morning I woke up with welts all over the left side of my face, on my forehead and across my eyelid and that was the beginning of my journey with shingles.
Shingles, isn’t that something that they put on the roof to keep rain from getting in? Yes and no.
Shingles is a stupid word for a very painful condition! For me it included electrical shocks to the side of my head, across my forehead and into my eyelid, nausea, headache for days, numbness and a bug crawling feeling, no appetite and -0 energy. I basically felt like shit for 2 weeks, spent most of the time horizontal and ate very little. I couldn’t sleep so I felt exhausted at a deep level. I started seeing dust and dirt in my house that I hadn’t noticed before and I wanted it all to go away, but I didn’t have energy to do anything about it.
Apparently shingles is a resurgence of the dormant chicken pox virus, which lurks silently in your nerves for years, until a moment of high stress triggers an ambush to knife you while you’re already down. The funny thing is, I didn’t feel stressed, but somewhere in my psyche I must have been. There was a part of my unconscious that has been split open by this bolt of lightning and it manifested though my dreams. A week into my journey with shingles I started to have dreams. The first series of dreams was about men from my past. Each night a different man and the illumination of the problem in our relationship. I saw each relationship from a vantage point I hadn’t seen before. A theme emerge and knew upon waking that I would not repeat the issue ever again. I have also had a series of dreams about my work as a therapist, and how good I am at that. I see this as a graceful closure to a career I dedicated a lot of time to. The next series of dreams went so deep that I couldn’t remember them when I woke up but knew that something had been changed in me through the night’s journey.
I believe our bodies tell us things we can’t see another way, so I like to explore what the metaphor of a specific illness might be. Louise Hay says that shingles is about trust and the mantra she attaches to it is ” I am relaxed and peaceful because I trust the process of life and all is well in my world.” Easy for you to say, Louise! I just quit a job that has been safe and created my stability for 25 years. Trust! Yeah, right, here I was leaping off the cliff and immediately I come down with some medical issue that costs over $600 because I don’t have insurance. Now there is a trust building activity for you!
I had tried this retirement thing two times before and ended up going back to safety and stability after hitting bottom. The last two times I quit my job to follow my dreams I was in a different consciousness. I live in abundance consciousness now so I don’t have to worry about not having support or having my needs met. I always have what I need.
Having shingles is an enormous lesson in patience as there is no way of speeding up the healing process and your energy comes back when it wants to, not when you want it to. When I looked up the metaphysical meaning of shingles I found numerous references that it was the sign of a spiritual awakening. I can buy that. It did feel like something had broken through the side of my face and the rash seemed like the perfect sign that something was being released.
It is a spiritual awakening about trust an issue I have often struggled with. On the deepest level it is about trusting myself to know that I can leap into my dreams, follow my heart and be relaxed and peaceful in the process, because all is very well with my world.
If you enjoyed this blog read more about how to use illness to transform your life in my new book, Empowered Health and Wellness, awakening the inner physician.
Find her books at www,mystickcreekpublishing.com